04-27-2005, 04:53 PM
Mikitivity --
This is very common, because it is the grieved family writing the obituary and its members want to believe their departed was great. Why not just mourn him for what he was, not what he was bitter about or imagined himself to have done?
The shock, finality and incomprehensibility of death encourages people to to stupid things, often against the express wishes of the deceased. My grandfather, a tightwad all his life, reader of The American Way of Death (an expos? of the funeral industry), a co-founder of the local inexpensive funeral society, etc., etc., was given a full funeral in a funeral home by his off spring. Go figure.
My then-spouse's grandfather, who spoke to me -- a virtual stranger -- about his funeral wishes. He had been injured in an industrial accident decades earlier and had been in declining health ever since, so he had lots of time to think about it. He wanted a simple funeral, a Protestant minister, cremation (no casket of any kind), and his ashes scattered where we once served in the merchant marine. He got a frills funeral, a Catholic priest who didn't know him and couldn't pronounce his name, an open casket where the survivors kissed the corpse. Eventually, he was cremated and his ashes scattered, but not before these indignities were inflicted.
I've written out what I want, but I'm acutely aware that my wishes may be overridden despite the fact I'm asking for nothing illegal, immoral or offensive.
This is very common, because it is the grieved family writing the obituary and its members want to believe their departed was great. Why not just mourn him for what he was, not what he was bitter about or imagined himself to have done?
The shock, finality and incomprehensibility of death encourages people to to stupid things, often against the express wishes of the deceased. My grandfather, a tightwad all his life, reader of The American Way of Death (an expos? of the funeral industry), a co-founder of the local inexpensive funeral society, etc., etc., was given a full funeral in a funeral home by his off spring. Go figure.
My then-spouse's grandfather, who spoke to me -- a virtual stranger -- about his funeral wishes. He had been injured in an industrial accident decades earlier and had been in declining health ever since, so he had lots of time to think about it. He wanted a simple funeral, a Protestant minister, cremation (no casket of any kind), and his ashes scattered where we once served in the merchant marine. He got a frills funeral, a Catholic priest who didn't know him and couldn't pronounce his name, an open casket where the survivors kissed the corpse. Eventually, he was cremated and his ashes scattered, but not before these indignities were inflicted.
I've written out what I want, but I'm acutely aware that my wishes may be overridden despite the fact I'm asking for nothing illegal, immoral or offensive.