[Ransium]

The general assembly,

Applauding the World Assembly's continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms, spearheaded by the efforts of the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC).

Concerned that illegal poaching and smuggling of endangered beings could undermine preservation efforts.

Subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, the general assembly hereby bans the international import and export of all organisms which have been designated as endangered by the WAESC, as well as goods derived from said life forms.

The Following items are exempted:

i) Specimens collected or repatriated as part of scientifically run species restoration program.

ii) Specimens or goods derived from specimens grown in a lab or nursery environment outside of the species native habitat range. Under this exception, specimens must also be birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other reproductive material collected outside the species native range.

iii) Goods derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the specimen's endangerment and is collect purely for scientific purposes.

iv) Durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago.

Noting that presence of widely dispersed reproductive material from WAESC endangered organisms such as pollen or reproductive spores present at incidental levels on other trade materials is not regulated by this act.

Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of WAESC designated endangered species and derived products within their own borders.

Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop poaching, smuggling, and trade of WAESC designated endangered species.

[Bears Armed]

"Hrarroom!" ( = "Greetings!")

I've read the draft, and at first glance you've got a good skeleton for the draft here although I think that improvements in various places would be not only possible but desirable. I've printed out a copy to re-read while I'm offline this evening so that I can prepare more detailed comments to post tomorrow, probably by showing you a possible re-draft with explanations for the changes.

One important point for you to think about, in the meanwhile: Unfortunately there's actually an upper limit of 30 characters (including spaces) for proposal titles, because the submissions system simply won't accept anything longer than that, and your current title is rather longer so you need to find a shorter one that still sums-up the proposal's subject to your satisfaction.

:Bear:

[Bears Armed]

Okay, here's my first suggestions for a revised draft:

_________________________________________


The World Assembly,

Recognising its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,

Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,

Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,

1. Bans the international import and export of all organisms belonging to species that have been designated as endangered by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC), and of goods derived wholly or partly from said life forms, except when any of the following exemptions apply _
i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) The material from endangered species involved is widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials is not regulated by this act;

2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of WAESC-designated endangered species and derived products within their own borders;

3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in WAESC-designated endangered species, and of products derived from these.
_______________________________________________________________


I've changed the punctuation to match the 'customary' GA pattern which isn't legally "required" but will please some of the GA forum regulars.
I've changed the first preambulatory clause from praising the work of a WA agency to praising the member nations because that's likely to be more acceptable to the membership.
In the second preambulatory clause and the last operative clause, I've replaced "poaching" -- a term that I'm accustomed to thinking of only in terms of animals (and eggs, of course... ^_^) -- with the more general "collection": I considered saying "acquisition", but then we'd get jokes about the Ferengi 'Rules of Acquisition'...
I've re-worded the "Hereby" clause to place that word first, as is also customary in the GA, and modified the boilerplate phrase there make it clearer that this proposal wouldn't be trying to apply to animals while #267 is still in force, and moved the "ban" instructions down into a separate 'operative' clause.
I've numbered the operative clauses, which again is customary as it makes referring to them in discussions easier.
I've rearranged the list of exemptions slightly, which included moving your subsequent clause [in re-worded form] up into that list.
In the second exemption I've replaced "reproductive material" with just "material" to allow for, for example, plants grown as cuttings from vegetative material.

Do you also want to cover organisms from non-endangered species when those are from particular stocks (or 'populations') that are endangered, as #267 does in the case of animals?


Also, before posting a draft in the GA forum, it's advisable to settle on a Category and set the Strength or 'Area of Effect' as appropriate, and maybeso to include a clause justifying this choice in the preamble. For this topic, I could see potential justification either as 'Environmental' (although then the 'Area of Effect' would need discussion) or as 'Moral Decency' (although proposals in that category can be harder to pass...) and then probably 'Mild'.

The maximum length possible is 3'500 characters, including spaces & line-breaks: So far, we're comfortably within this limit.

Opinions?


:Bear:

[Ransium]

Okay how about this:
-------------------------------------

Title: Trade of Endangered Organism

Category: Environmental
Industry Effected: All Business

The World Assembly,

Recognizing its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,

Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,

Defines 'endangered organism' as a species or stock designated by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC) as endangered,

Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,

1. Bans the international import and export of all endangered organisms, and of goods derived wholly or partly from said organisms, except when any of the following exemptions apply:

i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) They are widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials;

2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of endangered species and derived products within their own borders;

3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in endangered species, and of products derived from these.

-------------------------------------------------

I feel environmental is the way to go with this. I'm not happy with the all industries tag, but any specific industry effected like logging would be insufficient to cover the entire range of this act. Do you think there is a better tagging?

Do you think the definition works and does a sufficient job of addressing the endangered stock case? I've changed the rest of the draft to fit this deisgnation. Also vi) was structured fairly differently from the other clauses so I re-wrote it for uniformity. Do you think further clarification is needed for endangered stocks and it is clear that non-endangered stocks from species with endangered stocks are not regulated by this act? Do you think we should have any exception for cultural use perhaps expanding iv? Did you mean to have a underscore after apply in 1? I changed it to a colon.

[Bears Armed]

I've printed out a copy to study at my leisure, this evening, and will reply tomorrow.

It's occurred to me that we might also need to include a preambulatory clause justifying this proposal as legal in the context of another earlier resolution -- #68, 'National Economic Freedoms', which tries to limit WA intervention in member nations' trading arrangements but has already been sidestepped by various other authors during the intervening years -- as well.

:Bear:

[Ransium]

I think directly addressing the restrictions of WA #68 should be done. I'm curious as to what the best way to do so is, but does WA #66 already makes the taking of endangered species illegal across the WA help?

[Bears Armed]

RansiumAug 29 2016, 07:03:50 PMI think directly addressing the restrictions of WA #68 should be done. I'm curious as to what the best way to do so is, but does WA #66 already makes the taking of endangered species illegal across the WA help?[/quote]The method that some other authors have used for getting around #68 is including a clause in their preambles to claim that the regulations they propose are necessary to prevent "extreme harm to member nation's populations" because of #68 specifically allowing future resolutions to restrict trade when that is the case.

For this proposal, then, maybeso something along the lines of
"Believing that environmental impoverishment due to the loss of native species potentially threatens extreme harm to member nations' populations" ?

:Bear:

[Ransium]

How about this:

-------------------------------------------------
Title: Trade of Endangered Organism

Category: Environmental
Industry Effected: All Business

The World Assembly,

Recognizing its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,

Noting the tangible benefits of endangered species preservation, such as the development of medicines, industrial materials, and providing ecosystem services, the loss of which has the potential to cause extreme harm to member nations populations,

Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,

Defines 'endangered organism' as a species or stock designated by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC) as endangered,

Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,

1. Bans the international import and export of all endangered organisms, and of goods derived wholly or partly from said organisms, except when any of the following exemptions apply:

i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of a scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) They are widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials;

2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of endangered species and derived products within their own borders;

3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in endangered species, and of products derived from these.

Co-authored by Bears Armed
-------------------------------------------------

What do you think ready for the WA forum?

[Bears Armed]

Very busy today: I'll try to read it tonight, and get a reply posted tomorrow. Also, I'll ask in the RMB whether any of our other native authors want to comment before it goes to the WA.

[Sciongrad]

I'm just moving back into university, but I'll provide some feedback ASAP. By the way, the last time I spoke to you, Ransium, you were preparing for your oral examination. I hope that went well!

[Ransium]

Thanks for giving it a look! I've passed my written and oral exams so I am now officially ABD (all but dissertationed) don't get too excited as it will likely be another 1-2 years before you can call me Dr. Ransium

[Bears Armed]

I still do plan to comment again here, but unfortunately RL is being a bit of a pain sat the moment: I'll try to get my latest thoughts typed up at some point during the next 2 or 3 days...

[Bears Armed]

RansiumSep 1 2016, 07:02:50 PMHow about this:

-------------------------------------------------
Title: Trade of Endangered Organism

Category: Environmental
Industry Effected: All Business

The World Assembly,

Recognizing its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,

Noting the tangible benefits of endangered species preservation, such as the development of medicines, industrial materials, and providing ecosystem services, the loss of which has the potential to cause extreme harm to member nations populations,

Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,

Defines 'endangered organism' as a species or stock designated by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC) as endangered,

Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,

1. Bans the international import and export of all endangered organisms, and of goods derived wholly or partly from said organisms, except when any of the following exemptions apply:

i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of a scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) They are widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials;

2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of endangered species and derived products within their own borders;

3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in endangered species, and of products derived from these.

Co-authored by Bears Armed
-------------------------------------------------

What do you think ready for the WA forum?
[/quote]Okay, here -- albeit, owing to RL, slightly later than originally forecast -- are my comments on the latest draft...

1. the title: You're currently a couple of characters inside the maximum allowed length, so maybe you might pluralise "Organism" to "Organisms" which seems more appropriate?

2. Category: I suppose there isn't really a single-industry option that fits properly, but 'All Businesses' is technically equivalent to 'Strong' in terms of stat effects which seems a bit much in this context. Despite the fact that 'Environmental' proposals tend to be easier to pass than 'Moral Decency' ones I think that you really might be better off going for 'Moral Decency'/'Mild' instead (and that at least some of the 'stat-wankers' among the players might find that option more acceptable...). However if you agree about this then maybe adding a preambulatory clause to explain why restricting this trade is the moral course of action might be a good idea...

3. Unfortunately your current use of WAESC falls back into 'House of Cards' illegality, because although you use its classification of species in your definition of "endangered" you don't actually give WAESC itself anything to do here and so if the other resolutions that mention this agency were ever repealed then the agency would vanish and consequently your definition would fall apart...
Also, so far WAESC only [officially] keeps track of endangeredness for entire species rather than for each of the more local stocks within those species -- although the latter information obviously (and in your current wording) would be required here.
Therefore I suggest dropping the "Defines" clause and adding a new [numbered] clause before the current '1' which says something along the lines of "1. Instructs WAESC (the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee) and WA member nations' governments to cooperate with each other in creating & maintaining up-to-date lists of species, and of local populations within species, that qualify as 'Endangered';" and then referring back to that clause when you need to explain which species & stocks the following operative clauses are talking about.

4. regarding the current clause '1', you need to change something along the lines of "into or from member nations" into your reference to "the international import and export", to avoid legality challenges that claim you're trying to give orders to all nations rather than just to the WA's actual members.

5. regarding the current clause '2', it's also safer (in terms of legality) to say "member nations" rather than just "nations"... and shouldn't that 'Urges' exclude cases where international transfer of those organisms/goods would be okay under the current clause '1'?

6. Regarding the current clause '3', again "member nations" rather than "nations"... and I think that you'd really better insert the words ", within their jurisdictions" between the existing "and of products derived from these" and the final full stop, because otherwise you're arguably requiring member nations to intervene internationally against those practices too and you'd get a lot of opposition on the grounds of sovereignty (and avoiding justification for RP invasions) because of that fact.

7. There are some other places where wording or grammar might be improved slightly, as well, but I'll leave those for the GA forum to point out...


Best wishes!

:Bear: