05-31-2005, 12:50 AM
Yes, when I first read this it sounded like Amnesty International, of which I have been an on-again/off-gain supporter and member for 20 years.
Frankly, Ecopoeia, I think you do a better job than Amnesty except that you exclude specific mention of sexual orientation (obliquely included in "similar reasons").
And for the preamble, how about something like:
"ALTHOUGH freedom of conscience is a fundamental human right;
NEVERTHELESS the governments of some member states in the United Nations persecute those who merely express beliefs or thoughts that are not state-approved;
FURTHERMORE, these punishments include imprisonment (sometimes without trial), ?disappearing? and even death;
THEREFORE, we, the United Nations, recognise that there are human rights that transcend national borders and, in recognition of this, do hereby:"
That's keeping nearly all your words and order, but just adding a little formating and texture.
Frankly, Ecopoeia, I think you do a better job than Amnesty except that you exclude specific mention of sexual orientation (obliquely included in "similar reasons").
And for the preamble, how about something like:
"ALTHOUGH freedom of conscience is a fundamental human right;
NEVERTHELESS the governments of some member states in the United Nations persecute those who merely express beliefs or thoughts that are not state-approved;
FURTHERMORE, these punishments include imprisonment (sometimes without trial), ?disappearing? and even death;
THEREFORE, we, the United Nations, recognise that there are human rights that transcend national borders and, in recognition of this, do hereby:"
That's keeping nearly all your words and order, but just adding a little formating and texture.