05-22-2005, 09:20 PM
Groot GoudaMay 22 2005, 05:39 PMNow, on the resolution:
First, start with a pre-amble to explain why this resolution is necessary. Many nations will appreciate it, and a good start helps to "sell" your resolution.
Secondly, the formatting is a bit confusing as it is now. It's not really clear on first view what you want.
Thirdly, this resolution does quite a lot. I think it might be wise to take it one step at a time, and limit this resolution somewhat. That might also increase the chances of getting passed. If you concentrate on the first point, the prisoners or conscience, it might be clearer what you want. The rest is kind of covered by it as well, so no real loss there.
By the way, is "prisoner of conscience" a realworld term? To me, it sounds a bit like someone imprisoned by their own conscience, instead of because of their conscience.[/quote]
Thanks.
Preamble: Interesting, I'll definitely give this some serious thought.
Formatting: I'm not sure of the technical use of semi-colons, commas etc in resolutions. Again, I'll give this some thought.
Aims: I'm not inclined to reduce the scope, mainly because I'm kind of plugging the gaps in current human rights legislation. The articles are cribbed almost directly from Amnesty International's mission statement (excluding the death penalty ban, which would be a nightmare to get through). Prisoners of conscience, political prisoners and disappearances are all clearly interlinked. That said, torture is something of a tag-on... I'll consider removing the relevant article.
Prisoner of conscience: Yes, this is a real world term, originally coined by Amnesty (I think) and now in general usage.
First, start with a pre-amble to explain why this resolution is necessary. Many nations will appreciate it, and a good start helps to "sell" your resolution.
Secondly, the formatting is a bit confusing as it is now. It's not really clear on first view what you want.
Thirdly, this resolution does quite a lot. I think it might be wise to take it one step at a time, and limit this resolution somewhat. That might also increase the chances of getting passed. If you concentrate on the first point, the prisoners or conscience, it might be clearer what you want. The rest is kind of covered by it as well, so no real loss there.
By the way, is "prisoner of conscience" a realworld term? To me, it sounds a bit like someone imprisoned by their own conscience, instead of because of their conscience.[/quote]
Thanks.
Preamble: Interesting, I'll definitely give this some serious thought.
Formatting: I'm not sure of the technical use of semi-colons, commas etc in resolutions. Again, I'll give this some thought.
Aims: I'm not inclined to reduce the scope, mainly because I'm kind of plugging the gaps in current human rights legislation. The articles are cribbed almost directly from Amnesty International's mission statement (excluding the death penalty ban, which would be a nightmare to get through). Prisoners of conscience, political prisoners and disappearances are all clearly interlinked. That said, torture is something of a tag-on... I'll consider removing the relevant article.
Prisoner of conscience: Yes, this is a real world term, originally coined by Amnesty (I think) and now in general usage.