02-28-2006, 04:47 PM
You've got some phrasing problems, which I shall now attempt to weed out.
Quote: NOTING that crimes are often committed in nations other than those of the perpetrator's residence;[/quote]
I would consider changing this from passive tense to active tense:
NOTING that people often commit crimes in nations other than their own;
Not sure which is better, just something to think about.
Quote:
MINDFUL that perpetrators may leave the nation in which they committed a crime after said act, or after they have been duly tried for said crime;[/quote]
It should be "duly tried and convicted for said crime. You're not talking about anyone who wasn't convicted.
Quote:
CONVINCED that this constitutes a barrier to the just resolution of such crimes;[/quote]
I'm not sure about "CONVINCED", it's not really something you need to be convinced about. Maybe "NOTING WITH REGRET"?
Quote:
REMINDED that definitions of crimes and their appropriate punishments vary between nations;[/quote]
I would change this to "NOTING" and put it first.
Quote:
RECOGNIZING many nations already possess extradition treaties;[/quote]
I would say "RECOGNIZING that many nations have already signed extradition treaties". You can't really possess a treaty.
Quote:
DESIRING to increase the coordination of extradition treaties;[/quote]
Well, you're not really coordinating different treaties. Maybe: "DESIRING to create a UN-wide agreement to govern in absense of said treaties,"
Quote:
DEFINING extradition as a process by which a criminal suspect held by one government is given over to another government for trial or execution of sentence;[/quote]
You don't serve execute a sentence, you serve it. That change might also help those "EEK DEATHPENALTY NO!" types.
Quote:
3. RESOLVES that governments which deny extradition under these criteria need fear no reprisal, military or otherwise.[/quote]
I think that "need fear" is a good way of putting it. However, I would make clear that denying extradition doesn't grant you immunity from all war. How you have it looks good. And besides, tbe requested government can always use I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons.
Quote: NOTING that crimes are often committed in nations other than those of the perpetrator's residence;[/quote]
I would consider changing this from passive tense to active tense:
NOTING that people often commit crimes in nations other than their own;
Not sure which is better, just something to think about.
Quote:
MINDFUL that perpetrators may leave the nation in which they committed a crime after said act, or after they have been duly tried for said crime;[/quote]
It should be "duly tried and convicted for said crime. You're not talking about anyone who wasn't convicted.
Quote:
CONVINCED that this constitutes a barrier to the just resolution of such crimes;[/quote]
I'm not sure about "CONVINCED", it's not really something you need to be convinced about. Maybe "NOTING WITH REGRET"?
Quote:
REMINDED that definitions of crimes and their appropriate punishments vary between nations;[/quote]
I would change this to "NOTING" and put it first.
Quote:
RECOGNIZING many nations already possess extradition treaties;[/quote]
I would say "RECOGNIZING that many nations have already signed extradition treaties". You can't really possess a treaty.
Quote:
DESIRING to increase the coordination of extradition treaties;[/quote]
Well, you're not really coordinating different treaties. Maybe: "DESIRING to create a UN-wide agreement to govern in absense of said treaties,"
Quote:
DEFINING extradition as a process by which a criminal suspect held by one government is given over to another government for trial or execution of sentence;[/quote]
You don't serve execute a sentence, you serve it. That change might also help those "EEK DEATHPENALTY NO!" types.
Quote:
3. RESOLVES that governments which deny extradition under these criteria need fear no reprisal, military or otherwise.[/quote]
I think that "need fear" is a good way of putting it. However, I would make clear that denying extradition doesn't grant you immunity from all war. How you have it looks good. And besides, tbe requested government can always use I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons.