08-05-2025, 05:26 PM
“It’s over!” crowed Yousef Chaher as he practically skipped back to the City Hall. “We have FINALLY accounted for all the lizards!”
The Salad Land Lizard Capture Service had worked hard for over two years now to catch precisely 400 (thankfully sterile) lizards which had escaped and spread throughout the island nation thanks to an incident with a Thraxian ship’s illegal cargo. Some had been captured or killed during the Cat War, as it was known locally; but that had left many unaccounted for and hiding in all sorts of nooks and crannies.
In total, they had captured 283 lizards and confirmed (or caused) the death of the rest. This final lizard they had finally found being kept secretly as a pet by a class of seven-year-old schoolchildren in the school toilets. And now it is over! They would be able to report back to the authorities and would finally, finally be able to get out of this mess of a country!
“Tlotli, we got it!” Citlalnite called out as they burst into the Mayor’s Office. Cranston followed silently, with José carrying the lizard in its new cage.
“You want me to take this to the Thraxians?” José asked, poking the lizard with a twig through the bars. The lizard eyed him threateningly, biting the end off the twig.
“I think the Thraxians are a bit too distracted to be worried about the lizards at this point,” a voice interrupted. Police Commissioner Katherine Rudhall walked past José, greeting the Mayor-parrot Tlotli in a friendly tone and receiving a polite squawk in return. “I do want to congratulate you all on a fine job. De-lizarding Salad Land was quite a task, but you all surely did the task excellently.”
The four Saladian Police who had followed Rudhall into the Mayor’s Office smirked at her words, causing a fair number of eyebrows to raise in the room.
“So, your skills at reining in unwanted invasive species were commented on at the Palace de Salad. The Marquis was very pleased with your work. But I am afraid we have another problem. The Cat War left us with cats. Rather a lot of them. The Thraxians placed 10,000 of them in Salad Land as their ‘invasion’. About half of that number were left here after the ‘war’. That was almost two years ago.” Rudhall sighed. “Since then….the cats have been doing one of the things that cats do. Namely, breeding. Female cats have litters of somewhere between four to six kittens per birth, and can get pregnant again within two weeks of their last birth.” Rudhall shook her head. “We thought the lizards were a problem, but we didn’t know what a problem was until the Thraxians dumped a wave of kitten machines upon us. We’ve opened up multiple cat cafes around the islands for the tourists and the locals. We’ve begun offering ‘Exotic Paradise Cats of Salad Land’ for sale around the world - ‘free kittens included in 6-8 weeks with female versions’. But it isn’t enough. We are just swamped with felines.”
The Commissioner smiled broadly. “But this is where you come in. Again. You did so well with the lizard plague that the Marquis is just too unwilling to see such rare talent leave us. So, the Lizard Capture Service is being repurposed. It will now become the Salad Land Cat Crew. Helping our veterinarians and animal control wrangle all the stray cats and kittens for TNR will be its mission. As well as screening to see which kitties can be rehoused.”
Rudhall continued into the silence that had enveloped the room. “It will be highly marketable and open to all sorts of promotional opportunities. Who doesn’t love cats, especially online?” Rudhall grinned even more widely. “You’ll even get a small cut of the promotional proceeds. The Marquis is inclined to be generous as he is so pleased with your work. You’ll even get new free uniforms, complete with cute cat ears and bushy little tails. We are so pleased you’ll be staying with us for this new venture,” the Commissioner finished in the tone of someone already decided.
Her police escorts cracked even bigger smiles as the reward for a task well done was revealed - another task.
“No! No, I will NOT stay here one second longer!” Chaher shouted, finally having the breakdown that was a long time coming. “Ji-hun Chung sent us here in the first place - go find that snake and bring him here instead! The cats will probably take one look at his stupid face and drop dead!”
He ripped the lizard tail off his uniform and tried to storm out of the room but his way was blocked.
“Come on Yousef,” José said, grinning. “Cats are way more fun than lizards; I love them and this isn’t that bad a place. Nobody calls you Junta Junior here!”
Chaher spun around, and would quite possibly have killed José had Cranston not stepped forward and silently restrained him.
“It is fine,” Citlalnite said quickly. “We will do as you ask. Allow us to first deposit the final lizard in the lizard cupboard.”
He quickly turned around to exit, Cranston pulling along Yousef behind him.
“But I’m ALLERGIC to cats!” Yousef protested, as he was dragged from the room.
“Please, you just sneeze a little bit!” José said cheerily. “Maybe we can name the cats! I have loads of cat name ideas…”
His voice trailed off as they got farther from the mayor’s office.
Tlotli fluffed his feathers and turned to Rudhall.
“Heave-ho, hearties,” he squawked approvingly.
*
Once outside the building, Citlalnite took Yousef aside.
“Don’t object in front of them,” he warned. “There are too many Xiomerans around. Tlotli can protect us somewhat, but you can’t trust Patenaude. Be careful.”
The Salad Land Lizard Capture Service had worked hard for over two years now to catch precisely 400 (thankfully sterile) lizards which had escaped and spread throughout the island nation thanks to an incident with a Thraxian ship’s illegal cargo. Some had been captured or killed during the Cat War, as it was known locally; but that had left many unaccounted for and hiding in all sorts of nooks and crannies.
In total, they had captured 283 lizards and confirmed (or caused) the death of the rest. This final lizard they had finally found being kept secretly as a pet by a class of seven-year-old schoolchildren in the school toilets. And now it is over! They would be able to report back to the authorities and would finally, finally be able to get out of this mess of a country!
“Tlotli, we got it!” Citlalnite called out as they burst into the Mayor’s Office. Cranston followed silently, with José carrying the lizard in its new cage.
“You want me to take this to the Thraxians?” José asked, poking the lizard with a twig through the bars. The lizard eyed him threateningly, biting the end off the twig.
“I think the Thraxians are a bit too distracted to be worried about the lizards at this point,” a voice interrupted. Police Commissioner Katherine Rudhall walked past José, greeting the Mayor-parrot Tlotli in a friendly tone and receiving a polite squawk in return. “I do want to congratulate you all on a fine job. De-lizarding Salad Land was quite a task, but you all surely did the task excellently.”
The four Saladian Police who had followed Rudhall into the Mayor’s Office smirked at her words, causing a fair number of eyebrows to raise in the room.
“So, your skills at reining in unwanted invasive species were commented on at the Palace de Salad. The Marquis was very pleased with your work. But I am afraid we have another problem. The Cat War left us with cats. Rather a lot of them. The Thraxians placed 10,000 of them in Salad Land as their ‘invasion’. About half of that number were left here after the ‘war’. That was almost two years ago.” Rudhall sighed. “Since then….the cats have been doing one of the things that cats do. Namely, breeding. Female cats have litters of somewhere between four to six kittens per birth, and can get pregnant again within two weeks of their last birth.” Rudhall shook her head. “We thought the lizards were a problem, but we didn’t know what a problem was until the Thraxians dumped a wave of kitten machines upon us. We’ve opened up multiple cat cafes around the islands for the tourists and the locals. We’ve begun offering ‘Exotic Paradise Cats of Salad Land’ for sale around the world - ‘free kittens included in 6-8 weeks with female versions’. But it isn’t enough. We are just swamped with felines.”
The Commissioner smiled broadly. “But this is where you come in. Again. You did so well with the lizard plague that the Marquis is just too unwilling to see such rare talent leave us. So, the Lizard Capture Service is being repurposed. It will now become the Salad Land Cat Crew. Helping our veterinarians and animal control wrangle all the stray cats and kittens for TNR will be its mission. As well as screening to see which kitties can be rehoused.”
Rudhall continued into the silence that had enveloped the room. “It will be highly marketable and open to all sorts of promotional opportunities. Who doesn’t love cats, especially online?” Rudhall grinned even more widely. “You’ll even get a small cut of the promotional proceeds. The Marquis is inclined to be generous as he is so pleased with your work. You’ll even get new free uniforms, complete with cute cat ears and bushy little tails. We are so pleased you’ll be staying with us for this new venture,” the Commissioner finished in the tone of someone already decided.
Her police escorts cracked even bigger smiles as the reward for a task well done was revealed - another task.
“No! No, I will NOT stay here one second longer!” Chaher shouted, finally having the breakdown that was a long time coming. “Ji-hun Chung sent us here in the first place - go find that snake and bring him here instead! The cats will probably take one look at his stupid face and drop dead!”
He ripped the lizard tail off his uniform and tried to storm out of the room but his way was blocked.
“Come on Yousef,” José said, grinning. “Cats are way more fun than lizards; I love them and this isn’t that bad a place. Nobody calls you Junta Junior here!”
Chaher spun around, and would quite possibly have killed José had Cranston not stepped forward and silently restrained him.
“It is fine,” Citlalnite said quickly. “We will do as you ask. Allow us to first deposit the final lizard in the lizard cupboard.”
He quickly turned around to exit, Cranston pulling along Yousef behind him.
“But I’m ALLERGIC to cats!” Yousef protested, as he was dragged from the room.
“Please, you just sneeze a little bit!” José said cheerily. “Maybe we can name the cats! I have loads of cat name ideas…”
His voice trailed off as they got farther from the mayor’s office.
Tlotli fluffed his feathers and turned to Rudhall.
“Heave-ho, hearties,” he squawked approvingly.
*
Once outside the building, Citlalnite took Yousef aside.
“Don’t object in front of them,” he warned. “There are too many Xiomerans around. Tlotli can protect us somewhat, but you can’t trust Patenaude. Be careful.”
LIDUN President 2024 | she/her | Puppets: Kerlile, Glanainn, Yesteria, Zongongia, Zargothrax