[Lauchenoiria]

Jointly written with Xiomera

The Royal Dining Room still contained some of the original pieces from when it was first constructed in 1738. One of these was the fireplace, and several tapestries and paintings decorating the walls. It had also been updated with several modern features, including a fridge full of white wines and a large television, which was currently switched off. But the newest piece of decor was in the corner, which now contained a veritable playground for cats.

The twelve cats had followed the King and the Marquis to the dining room, encouraged in some cases by the guards. They were directed towards the cat area, while the Marquis was led to sit next to the King at the grand table. Shapur had dismissed his children, instructing them to go and find out who had summoned the now-exorcised demon in the first place.

Once they were seated, the King turned to the Marquis and beamed. "I am so delighted to have this opportunity to speak with you, demon-free. And I can’t wait to try your salad!"

"I am sure you will love the salad. It was created by one of the best chefs in Salad Land. And I also am glad for the opportunity to speak with you, now that the unpleasantness is over with." The Marquis watched as his entourage took the special salad out of its cooler and prepared to place it on the table.

Shapur was clearly very excited to try the salad. He was beaming, and hadn’t even paid any attention to the cats since they’d entered the dining room. “So, my daughter Mina tells me that you have a man working on carnivorous vegetables? I must say, I was intrigued by the idea.”

"Oh, they're not quite carnivorous vegetables. They're vegetables made of meat. Although, I suppose, with the right effort, they could be made carnivorous," the Marquis said as the Saladians began serving the salad to everyone.

The King was very intrigued by the idea of making them carnivorous. Just before he tucked into his salad, he remarked: “I must show you my laboratories. We are doing some fascinating stuff here, you’d love it!”

"I would enjoy a tour," the Marquis replied. "What kind of work are you doing?"

“Ah, well this is why there were lizards. You see, we are attempting to genetically engineer the lifeforms that used to exist before God decided that humanity needed to be tested, and sent us to this test world. Are you familiar with the tenets of Cosmic Infinity? Well, once upon a time there was one world on which humans lived alongside dragons, unicorns, and other fantastical creatures. And then…”

The King launched into a description of his entire religion, with the enthusiasm of a five-year-old discussing their favourite cartoon. After about ten minutes, he finally finished his impromptu lecture, and immediately started to devour his salad.

The Marquis smiled and nodded politely as he listened to the lecture, not allowing a trace of his true feelings to show. He privately thought that Shapur was crazier than a basket full of cats. But if humoring the man could extricate Salad Land from this situation, he would humor away. He began to eat as well. "So what do you think of the salad?" he asked the King between mouthfuls.

“It’s delicious! Thank you so much!” the King said, nodding enthusiastically. A cat jumped onto the table and began to sniff his bowl. Upon realising there was no meat involved, the cat yawned, showing off its jaws, and then curled up in a ball and went to sleep.

The Marquis absent-mindedly gave the cat a few pets as he put aside his now empty salad bowl. "I have to say, this whole situation has really made me warm up to cats."

“They are truly majestic creatures,” the King replied, nodding. “Beautiful, and the perfect little predator in such a small package. Their little bodies contort in the most fascinating ways. I’ve been watching lots of documentaries about it. I’m sure some of the cats in Salad Land will choose to stay, and you can get to know them.”

"We certainly hope so. I have actually befriended one of them myself. An orange tabby that we named Reginald. Reg for short."

“Reg! That’s so cute!” the King smiled. “I’d love to meet him. In fact… no, perhaps that idea is too crazy.”

Too crazy for this guy? I have to hear this. "I am sure it isn't. What is your idea?"

“How about we seal our new friendship to make it everlasting?” Shapur turned to the Marquis, his eyes glittering. “Not with a peace treaty - though we can have one of those too if you like - but with a marriage? A cat marriage!”

Oh yeah, that was worth hearing. "A marriage between, say, Reg and a cat of your choosing?" the Marquis grinned.

“Yes! Think about it! We can link our families and our countries with this marriage, as in years gone by!” Shapur returned the grin.

The mention of "years gone by" did have an appeal for the Marquis, who fancied himself a bit of a romantic. And if nothing else, a cat marriage would certainly bring attention to Salad Land. All attention is good attention, as they say. "No living being should be alone, including cats. I accept."

The King clapped his hands together, which summoned a whole flock of servants.

“Let us prepare! Farvardin! Farvardin!” he called. An elegant looking calico cat detached herself from a cat tower and slinked over. The King picked her up, holding her in the air. “Farvardin is engaged. There will be a wedding!!!”

The Marquis smiled and raised a glass in a toast to Farvardin. The people back home are going to flip when they hear this. Either in a good way, or a bad way. I'm not sure yet.

The servants had begun to applaud in rhythm, clearly a Thraxian custom. The King walked around the room, still holding up the calico cat (who looked rather bemused), above his head as he showed her off to the gathering crowd, which now included his human children, who had quickly been summoned from somewhere. Shapur smiled like, well, like he had been blessed by God.