[Xiomera]

Upon arriving at the Palace, Gardner led the other two inside and through a lobby to a grand staircase. At the top of the staircase, double doors which were open led to a relatively small but nicely appointed throne room. At the other end of the room, a young man lounging on a wooden throne trimmed in green and gold greeted Leila with a small smile. "You must be the envoy from Zargothrax," he said. His face registered slight surprise that she was so young, before moving on. "I am Bastien de Salad, the Marquis. Welcome to Salad Land. What message do you bring us?"

“Greetings, Marquis,” Leila began, giving a short curtsey since she was unsure of Saladian protocol. And while she had learned fluent English, she was unused to actually using it aloud outside of the classroom. Her accent was notable, and she spoke slowly. “My father, King Shapur of Zargothrax, has instructed me to deliver the following message.”

She glanced around, suddenly a little nervous. She had memorised the words perfectly, but she did not know what reaction to expect. “King Shapur asks that Salad Land immediately surrenders and agrees to return all Thraxian bio… biological lifeforms, whether lizard, hawk, cat or human, along with all Thraxian ships. If Salad Land does not meet his ultimatum, His Majesty the King will have no choice but to unleash chaos in order to prevent the apocalypse.”

Leila looked away, embarrassed. “My father, um, believes that you are, um, possessed by a demon. And that you are, uh, trying to make the world end by destroying messengers from God. I am, uh, unsure which God he means.”

"I am not sure he knows which God he means either," the Marquis murmured. "As for the lifeforms, we offered your father the chance to take them back. He just kept dumping more on us. So I am not quite sure what he wants us to do. At any rate, if he wants them back, he can have them back if he can find a sane way for once to withdraw them. Otherwise, we will begin offering barbecued lizard and hawk tacos and use the cats for a cat cafe. We won't barbecue the human Thraxians or send them to a cafe though."

“Oh [insert blasphemous phrase here]! If you cook the lizards, Father may well send a human assault force!” Leila cried, alarmed. “It took his people years to find the right species! He thinks he can make a dragon out of them!”

She bit her lip. While she did not believe he would succeed, that felt like the sort of thing that she wasn’t supposed to let slip. She attempted a disarming smile, only succeeding in looking exactly like an eleven-year-old girl playing at adult diplomacy.

The Marquis paused for a long period, and then laughed for an even longer period. When he finally regained his composure, he grinned at Gardner. "Well, we can't have a human assault force come here. Dominic, please instruct Mickey Knife and the other chefs and cooks and whatnot on the islands that the Thraxian animals are off the menu." He looked over to Yousef next, grinning again at the lizard hat. "Take extra care capturing the lizards, when you manage to catch some."

“Sir, with all due respect,” Yousef replied, stifling a groan, “this child is an envoy of the enemy. Can you truly trust a word she says? What if this is a trick, to get us to keep the lizards alive, for some nefarious purpose?”

Then he turned to Leila, switching briefly to Arabic. “No hard feelings, I’m just trying to make my own life easier.” Leila met his eye and shrugged, as if to say fair enough.

The Marquis sighed. "A child would not lie. Then again, I lied all the time when I was a child….never mind that. I believe this child, because it seems just insane enough for King Shapur to actually believe it." He thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "I have the perfect solution for this dilemma, Dominic. We shall rely upon our ancient and rogueish Saladian traditions."

"We will, sir?" Gardner raised his eyebrow.

"We shall! Or, rather, I shall. I will travel to Zargothrax and demand a parley. Just like my ancestors would have done. We shall settle this in person, like men. As for you, my dear," the Marquis turned to Leila, "you regretfully will need to remain here and enjoy the hospitality of Salad Land as a guarantee of the parley. All in our finest tradition. I do believe my ancestors would be quite pleased with me."

“Oh no, what a shame,” Leila said, deadpan. “Hey, lizard guy,” she said to Yousef, “I can give you some tips on taming them if you visit me wherever they lock me up.”

"We are not barbarians, child," the Marquis clucked. "You shall have a room here at the Palace and be treated as a guest. You will be guarded and escorted, of course, but that is a formality. And if you can help my team of lizard capture specialists, that would be lovely." The Marquis jumped up from his throne. "Let's go, Dominic. I need to see what outfits to take with me to Zargothrax." He led his Steward out of the room with him, leaving Yousef and Leila with a guard.

“Huh, last time my father took a hostage, he made the boy fight a giant rat,” Leila informed Yousef in Arabic, glad to switch to her mother’s native tongue. “Although, to be fair, the Lord whose son that was, ended up attacking Castle Zargo and getting killed. Are my people barbarians? Well, I guess probably, since we still play at feudalism.”

“Um,” Yousef was unsure how to respond, given the girl was seemingly having a conversation with herself.

“Anyway, lizards! This wasn’t Father’s first shipment, he’s done this before. They sometimes get loose in the palace. What you need are these little Serrielan sweets, they’re strawberry flavoured. The lizards go mad for them, but they also make them sleepy. So, like, you can attract a whole bunch to the same place and then send them to sleep. You’ll just have to import a ton of these sweets.”

“And your father couldn’t have told us this before, I dunno, this whole war broke out?” Yousef muttered.

“Oh, he doesn’t know, he thinks the lizards go back to the lab themselves because they love him. We don’t tell him the truth,” the Princess chuckled. She switched back to English. “Anyway, can I see my room? I want to get out of this ridiculously heavy dress and then I’ll show you how to catch a lizard.”

The guard wordlessly nodded, directing the two of them to follow him. They soon arrived at the residential section of the Palace. "This is one of the guest rooms. You will use it while you are here," he said as he opened the door to a small but well-appointed chamber. There was a view of Port Salad and the distant beach through the window.

Leila eagerly ran up to the window, staring out. “Cool! Nice view! Especially considering my brother thought I’d end up in a dungeon. Right, give me a second,” she said, then pulled off her dress to reveal more practical clothes hidden underneath. “Okay, take me to the beach, the lizards like sand.”

Yousef led her to the beach, curious to see if the girl would be as effective at lizard catching as she was implying. She pulled some candy out of her pocket, unwrapping a pink piece and placing it on the sand. Immediately, three lizards shot out of the sand towards it, fighting with each other over the candy. One of them won, swallowing it, and then flopped over, lying still. Then it let out what Yousef could only describe as a lizard snore.

“See?” Leila pulled out two more pieces, giving them to the other two lizards, who promptly joined their fellow in sleep. “Three lizards, easy peasy. I’ll happily help you catch them all. On one condition.”

“Uh…”

“For every ten lizards I catch, you buy me one piece of boys’ clothes. I hate dresses,” Leila informed him, crossing her arms.

Yousef turned to the guard, seeking permission.

The guard pulled out a walkie-talkie and had a brief conversation with the Palace. "The Marquis says if it means catching the lizards, it's a deal."

“Yay!” Leila clapped her hands. “Let’s get started!”