08-15-2023, 09:55 PM
“ ‘A pox on your cats’!? A POX ON MY CATS!?” King Shapur of Zargothrax shouted. He picked up the tablet displaying a copy of the Marquis’ letter and threw it across the room so that it shattered against the stone accent wall, pieces flying everywhere. Then the king stormed over and started stamping on the pieces.
His council, who hadn’t seen him attend a meeting in years, all wisely remained silent. They watched as their monarch stormed around the room, smashing random items in a manner more suited to a toddler than a fifty-three-year-old father of six. Eventually, he exhausted himself and sat back down at the head of the table, turning to face the gathered men.
“We are declaring war on Salad Land,” he informed them.
“What!? Your Majesty, don’t you think that is something of an overreaction?” the palace treasurer said, alarmed at how much going to war would cost.
“No! No, I don’t think it’s an overreaction! Guards, arrest this man for treason!” the King said, pointing at the treasurer.
“What!? But your majesty, I haven’t… stop, get your hands off me… this isn’t the fifteenth century, what are you doing… let me go! Your Majesty! YOUR MAJESTY!”
“Now that he’s gone,” the King said once he’d been dragged out, “we can talk about our war plans. We will destroy Salad Land for this!”
Nobody was brave enough to say a word. They were all eyeing Shapur in fear of what the mad king would do next. Because as much as what he’d just done was giving fifteenth century vibes, that was about the last time the structure of the Thraxian government had been updated. He was well within his rights, no matter how old-fashioned exercising them would be seen as.
“Good, I see nobody else is a Saladian spy,” Shapur nodded, content. He turned to Chief Advisor Hashemi and his son Prince Bahman. “Issue the formal declaration of war to Salad Land. I don’t know how you formally declare war, actually, so look it up. And then get me my Generals. I have a plan.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Hashemi responded in a tone of resignation, leaving the room. Prince Bahman just stared at his father.
“Father…” he began hesitantly.
“Don’t worry son, we’ll win. It’ll all be fine. WE GO TO WAR!”
His council, who hadn’t seen him attend a meeting in years, all wisely remained silent. They watched as their monarch stormed around the room, smashing random items in a manner more suited to a toddler than a fifty-three-year-old father of six. Eventually, he exhausted himself and sat back down at the head of the table, turning to face the gathered men.
“We are declaring war on Salad Land,” he informed them.
“What!? Your Majesty, don’t you think that is something of an overreaction?” the palace treasurer said, alarmed at how much going to war would cost.
“No! No, I don’t think it’s an overreaction! Guards, arrest this man for treason!” the King said, pointing at the treasurer.
“What!? But your majesty, I haven’t… stop, get your hands off me… this isn’t the fifteenth century, what are you doing… let me go! Your Majesty! YOUR MAJESTY!”
“Now that he’s gone,” the King said once he’d been dragged out, “we can talk about our war plans. We will destroy Salad Land for this!”
Nobody was brave enough to say a word. They were all eyeing Shapur in fear of what the mad king would do next. Because as much as what he’d just done was giving fifteenth century vibes, that was about the last time the structure of the Thraxian government had been updated. He was well within his rights, no matter how old-fashioned exercising them would be seen as.
“Good, I see nobody else is a Saladian spy,” Shapur nodded, content. He turned to Chief Advisor Hashemi and his son Prince Bahman. “Issue the formal declaration of war to Salad Land. I don’t know how you formally declare war, actually, so look it up. And then get me my Generals. I have a plan.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Hashemi responded in a tone of resignation, leaving the room. Prince Bahman just stared at his father.
“Father…” he began hesitantly.
“Don’t worry son, we’ll win. It’ll all be fine. WE GO TO WAR!”
LIDUN President 2024 | she/her | Puppets: Kerlile, Glanainn, Yesteria, Zongongia, Zargothrax