07-27-2023, 03:18 AM
For the past 2 weeks, Delphine had been consumed by reminders of the fact that Lehvantian state officials would be coming to visit her and the other athletes at the olympic training site. She knew that she couldn’t so much as talk about the weather if it wasn’t pre-approved by a communications officer. The trip was planned to a T. The delegation members would apparently express their desire to show support for the athletes and calm their nerves ahead of their events. Delphine knew just how counterintuitive this was, the state visits were notorious for their ability to terrify first-time olympians like her.
It reminded the athletes of just how high the stakes were for them. Whatever warmth they’d be met with at the state visit, each olympian had to keep in mind they’d be met with a contrasting, freezing cold if they were to under-perform.
The athletes were to wait for the state officials while standing in a line on a platform. Even while they stood on a platform, they looked small and subservient. The most extravagant ballroom was reserved for the event — and though there was an impressive spread of food and drinks, the athletes were strictly forbidden from them.
Under regular circumstances, Delphine would have had the urge to scoff at the irony of having a room full of Laeralian china for this event. This was before she had decided that she would not resent the fact that she had to obey mediocre men whose only noteworthy accomplishment had been to take credit for her talents. This decision had become necessary for her survival, otherwise she’d risk falling into a trap that had entangled countless young women before her.
Lehvant’s pipeline for remarkable children had a surprisingly balanced gender ratio, though the path offered to young boys included a quiet, comfortable retirement and the promise of dying with distinction. Young women were much more prone to fizzling out and having their legacy reduced to a scandal or a punchline. She was determined not to fizzle out, which meant understanding that her begging or obeying did not make these men big — so it could not make her small.
This is what she thought of on the podium of the ballroom, as she tried to keep her mind off of how desperately she needed another fix of whatever her trainer had been giving her. Delphine knew she’d have to beg. She also knew not to ask questions, though it would inevitably make her feel powerless and desperate to not even know what she’s begging for. All she knew about the injections were that they made her hurt less, and they made her faster. She decided she didn’t need to know anything else.
“Is the shame of begging worse than the shame of losing?”, she asked herself. One was private, Louis even made her promise not to tell anyone or discuss it with him in public. Losing, however, would mean that she could never live with dignity.
It reminded the athletes of just how high the stakes were for them. Whatever warmth they’d be met with at the state visit, each olympian had to keep in mind they’d be met with a contrasting, freezing cold if they were to under-perform.
The athletes were to wait for the state officials while standing in a line on a platform. Even while they stood on a platform, they looked small and subservient. The most extravagant ballroom was reserved for the event — and though there was an impressive spread of food and drinks, the athletes were strictly forbidden from them.
Under regular circumstances, Delphine would have had the urge to scoff at the irony of having a room full of Laeralian china for this event. This was before she had decided that she would not resent the fact that she had to obey mediocre men whose only noteworthy accomplishment had been to take credit for her talents. This decision had become necessary for her survival, otherwise she’d risk falling into a trap that had entangled countless young women before her.
Lehvant’s pipeline for remarkable children had a surprisingly balanced gender ratio, though the path offered to young boys included a quiet, comfortable retirement and the promise of dying with distinction. Young women were much more prone to fizzling out and having their legacy reduced to a scandal or a punchline. She was determined not to fizzle out, which meant understanding that her begging or obeying did not make these men big — so it could not make her small.
This is what she thought of on the podium of the ballroom, as she tried to keep her mind off of how desperately she needed another fix of whatever her trainer had been giving her. Delphine knew she’d have to beg. She also knew not to ask questions, though it would inevitably make her feel powerless and desperate to not even know what she’s begging for. All she knew about the injections were that they made her hurt less, and they made her faster. She decided she didn’t need to know anything else.
“Is the shame of begging worse than the shame of losing?”, she asked herself. One was private, Louis even made her promise not to tell anyone or discuss it with him in public. Losing, however, would mean that she could never live with dignity.