05-19-2023, 11:13 PM
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Diary Entry. April 23, 2023
I tried writing the letter again. Like somehow today would be different to every other time I’ve tried in the last four and a half years.
Dear Councillor Jennifer Eleonora Hale…
No. Much too formal. A middle name and everything! One I learned from the internet as well.
Dear Councillor Hale…
Ugh. It’s probably correct, per Kerlian tradition. But do I really want to uphold Kerlian tradition? I’d like nothing worse.
Dear Sonja…
Yeah, that won’t get delivered. The stupid Kerlian Censorship Board would chuck it in the bin. No, probably a furnace actually. Too dangerous to leave lying around.
Dear Jennifer…
But that’s not what I knew her as! It’s a name from the news; it has that surreal quality to it, like the people from the news aren’t actually human.
Anyway, I didn’t write the letter. At this point, it would probably be too weird. What exactly am I going to say? “Hi, thank you for saving my life almost five years ago. If you even remember. Also, thanks for stopping them from torturing us, I guess? Even if it was partly your family that led to us being tortured in the first place.”
Yeah, that’s not gonna go down well. Plus, I am literally the only person I know who can admit that it was torture. Everyone else dances around the subject, like they’re afraid to trigger me, even though I use the word myself. It’s like they can’t comprehend that maybe I recovered from the trauma. Sure, most people didn’t, but statistically some of us had to, right? I’m not the only person who survived Kerlian prison without going insane. I can’t be.
Well, there’s always Carmen Robinson. Last we saw of her she was on some ski holiday in Zongongia. She’s hiding from the media in their king’s castle. Which is kinda funny honestly. Her responding to exile with “lol whatever” and then going on to have fun is kinda cool; I respect her for it.
Course, if I was really over it, I wouldn’t think about it all the time. But, like, I think about it in a sort of academic way. As if I was an outside observer rather than a participant in the sequence of events. Like the scars belong to someone else. Though, if I’m honest, I think I show them off a little. It scares creeps away from trying to chat me up at bars. Makes me look strong, cause I survived that. I guess I am.
Anyway, Jae Chung appeared at my door this morning. She offered me a job after I graduate. It wasn’t exactly the field I had in mind. I could always turn it down, it’s not like this is Xiomera or something. And I should, given the whole thing with WOE. I’m still EXTREMELY pissed off that they arrested me for being on their mailing list. Okay, sure, they released me without charge nine hours later but still.
I thought I’d panic, given the whole Kerlile thing. But I was just angry? It’s like, going through that once, I’m not scared because I know I can survive whatever. But having my own government do this stuff just makes me incandescent with rage. So, yeah, I really should have told Jae Chung to stuff her government job where the sun don’t shine.
So why am I still thinking about it?
*
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Creating new document
Diary Entry. April 23, 2023
I tried writing the letter again. Like somehow today would be different to every other time I’ve tried in the last four and a half years.
Dear Councillor Jennifer Eleonora Hale…
No. Much too formal. A middle name and everything! One I learned from the internet as well.
Dear Councillor Hale…
Ugh. It’s probably correct, per Kerlian tradition. But do I really want to uphold Kerlian tradition? I’d like nothing worse.
Dear Sonja…
Yeah, that won’t get delivered. The stupid Kerlian Censorship Board would chuck it in the bin. No, probably a furnace actually. Too dangerous to leave lying around.
Dear Jennifer…
But that’s not what I knew her as! It’s a name from the news; it has that surreal quality to it, like the people from the news aren’t actually human.
Anyway, I didn’t write the letter. At this point, it would probably be too weird. What exactly am I going to say? “Hi, thank you for saving my life almost five years ago. If you even remember. Also, thanks for stopping them from torturing us, I guess? Even if it was partly your family that led to us being tortured in the first place.”
Yeah, that’s not gonna go down well. Plus, I am literally the only person I know who can admit that it was torture. Everyone else dances around the subject, like they’re afraid to trigger me, even though I use the word myself. It’s like they can’t comprehend that maybe I recovered from the trauma. Sure, most people didn’t, but statistically some of us had to, right? I’m not the only person who survived Kerlian prison without going insane. I can’t be.
Well, there’s always Carmen Robinson. Last we saw of her she was on some ski holiday in Zongongia. She’s hiding from the media in their king’s castle. Which is kinda funny honestly. Her responding to exile with “lol whatever” and then going on to have fun is kinda cool; I respect her for it.
Course, if I was really over it, I wouldn’t think about it all the time. But, like, I think about it in a sort of academic way. As if I was an outside observer rather than a participant in the sequence of events. Like the scars belong to someone else. Though, if I’m honest, I think I show them off a little. It scares creeps away from trying to chat me up at bars. Makes me look strong, cause I survived that. I guess I am.
Anyway, Jae Chung appeared at my door this morning. She offered me a job after I graduate. It wasn’t exactly the field I had in mind. I could always turn it down, it’s not like this is Xiomera or something. And I should, given the whole thing with WOE. I’m still EXTREMELY pissed off that they arrested me for being on their mailing list. Okay, sure, they released me without charge nine hours later but still.
I thought I’d panic, given the whole Kerlile thing. But I was just angry? It’s like, going through that once, I’m not scared because I know I can survive whatever. But having my own government do this stuff just makes me incandescent with rage. So, yeah, I really should have told Jae Chung to stuff her government job where the sun don’t shine.
So why am I still thinking about it?
*
Do you want to save the changes to ‘Untitled document’?
No.
‘Untitled document’ has been deleted.
LIDUN President 2024 | she/her | Puppets: Kerlile, Glanainn, Yesteria, Zongongia, Zargothrax