09-11-2021, 10:14 PM
Day Four – Alvarez’s Hotel Room
It was the evening after the fourth day of the 65th International Women’s Congress. Prime Minister Josephine Alvarez of Lauchenoiria was exhausted, stressed and deeply disappointed. The sources of all of these emotions were subtly different – she was exhausted by how long the debates had been, stressed by being in Kerlile, and disappointed that her still-lawfully-wedded-wife hadn’t bothered to come out and see her even while she was in the only country Jennifer Hale was permitted to be in.
If she was honest with herself, Alvarez’s main aim in coming to Kerlile, especially in light of the Robinson affair where “supporting reform” could no longer sound genuine, was in order to have a face-to-face conversation with the person she still couldn’t work out her emotions around. Distance had not made anything easier, and the last they’d seen of each other had been too close to the revelation for Josephine to be objective. She deeply wanted to know if, when she looked at Jennifer’s face, she still loved her.
But it seemed like the last three years had already given Hale enough time to move on. At least, that’s what it seemed like to Alvarez, who had tried getting in touch just to discover the line was disconnected, who had tried to find her only to be told that leaving the city limits would be “ill-advised” and “unsafe” by both her own country’s security and the local police (though whether the locals were warning, or threatening, was still yet to be determined by the agents looking into it).
“I don’t need you anyway,” Alvarez muttered in Spanish to herself, as she got herself ready for bed, and for the last day of the conference in the morning. She was so successful she was the head of government in her country! What did it matter if her wife had moved on, if she’d been lied to for years, if all her feelings that she knew were still in there would need to be buried and…
Tap, tap.
Josephine froze at the sound from the window. She was eight floors up, and Grapevale didn’t have many birds (rumour had it the locals ate them to supplement the food rationing) so a tapping noise at her window immediately activated her fight-or-flight response. She grabbed a letter opener off the table, as if it could protect her, and slowly turned around towards the window, brandishing it like a dagger.
Outside, standing on the balcony was a rather bedraggled looking Kerlian Councillor. Josephine dropped the letter opener and stared, open-mouthed at the sight of her wife standing there. Jennifer mouthed something and Josephine blinked, quickly opening the balcony door and pulling Jennifer inside.
“Sonja, what the hell!?” she said, using the old name before she thought.
“Josie…” Jennifer breathed, staring into her eyes.
“What the hell?” repeated Josephine.
“I… sorry,” Jennifer blushed, and looked away. “Listen, your security would never have let me near you if I’d tried to come in the normal way. So, I bribed hotel security to sneak me up to the balcony and distract them.”
“Son… Jennifer… Councillor Hale. If you had asked for an appointment, my security would have been pleased to facilitate that in a manner more befitting both our stations.”
“Josie, what are you talking about? You’ve rejected every appointment I tried to schedule all week! I tried to get into the conference to see you, but the Council doesn’t want us to meet any more than you do. Why did you even come to Kerlile if you were going to avoid me the whole time?”
“I never rejected any appointments! I’ve been waiting all week for you to show up! Your phone line is disconnected, I’m not allowed to leave this damned city unless it’s by airplane back home, and the whole damned reason I came here was to speak to you!”
Jennifer blinked once, twice, three times, and then sank down into a nearby chair in shock. “But I spoke directly to your head of security in Kerlile. She told me point blank that you would not meet with me and that I need to stop asking.”
“Who? Who did you speak to?” Josephine demanded.
“Alicia Alloza, with your security detail? The one who is liaising with your assistants to manage your diary, according to the Council’s files.”
“That’s correct, Alicia is… Alicia told you I didn’t want to see you!? I was not informed of any appointment requests and I specifically told them I wanted notified immediately if you got in touch. Why would she lie!?”
Jennifer stayed silent, and looked up at Josephine, a mix of shock, anger and love in her eyes, all at once. Josephine’s eyes grew wider in response, as she realised what was going on, and she sat down on the other chair immediately.
“My own people have been trying to stop me meeting you. Against my explicit orders.”
“If it makes it any better, mine have been doing the same. But at least I know why; they think you’re a corrupting influence, that you’ll at best encourage me to push for greater reforms, and at worst recruit me for Lauchenoiria’s intelligence agencies.”
“Alicia is going to be fired immediately,” Josephine said coldly, “and if she has any links to Gabriel Fleming she is going to spend the rest of her life in prison.”
“Forget about that for one minute,” Jennifer said, then looked Josephine directly in the eyes. “Put aside this conspiracy, because we do not have a lot of time, especially if both our countries want to keep us apart. You said you came here for me. Is it true?”
Josephine looked at her wife, at the look of longing, of hope, of sheer love and she crumbled. All the words she meant to say, all the accusations, just disappeared. After all, she’d done her research. She knew what Jennifer would tell her: Kerlian policy would be to find and execute the families of anyone deemed connected with DKS. “Sonja Viratnen” was indeed connected with DKS. If Josephine had known, she would have been in danger. It didn’t make up for it; the lie that was so big… but she understood it.
“Is it the only lie you told me?” Josephine blurted out. She had to know. “Was there anything else? Or was your secret identity all of it?”
“Josie, I… listen. Yes, I lied. And I am so, so sorry. I regret it every day of my life. But, if it’s worth anything, I never intended to be Jennifer Hale again. I fully intended to be Sonja Viratnen-Alvarez for the rest of my days, to never look back. This is not to say I wished to lie to you, but that Sonja is who I wanted to be, is the real me in every way that matters. Jennifer Hale is a persona, a symbol of a messed-up family at first, and now of a reform movement that’s failing before it made any real headway. Jennifer Hale is not real. Sonja was. Sonja is. Jennifer is what I had forced upon me, but Sonja is who I chose to be. And I chose to be with you. I love you, Josephine, more than you can ever know and more than I ever thought was possible.”
Jennifer took a quick breath before continuing, not allowing herself to be interrupted. “I ran away when I was thirteen because I knew I’d never survive here. I hated it, I hated my family and I hated my life. I gave up everything, I renounced everything and I swore I’d never go back willingly. I would not be here, in Kerlile, if I had a choice and I pray that you believe me. I made a choice to reject my birth family and my duties because they were cruel, and horrific, and I hated everything they stood for. When we met, I was who I said I was because that was my choice and I never intended to look back.”
“It is the one lie that I told you. Everything else is true. That I love you, that I love the way you smile and your ambition and the fact that in spite of all that, you always found time to relax even when things were chaotic. That I did not want to go into politics myself and preferred to avoid the spotlight because I never, ever, wanted to be where I am forced to be now and I renounced that life, but I loved you for being brave enough to do it and to do it well. That when Chaher overthrew Moore and imprisoned you it was the worst day of my life, even including all the things I’ve seen and all the ways I was mistreated as a child. Because you are my world, Josephine, and when you said you hated me it broke my heart into a million pieces and I did not want to go on living.”
“I love you so deeply, I am so sorry for lying, I did it to protect you but that’s not an excuse. I let my own fear of Kerlile consume me and hid something you deserved to know from you because I myself did not want to face up to it. But you are stronger and braver than I could ever be, you are the light of my life and the centre of my world and I should never have hidden anything from you because I love you, and want to be with you, and share everything with you for the rest of my days. And I am devastated that I cannot because of this.”
Jennifer finally stopped, gasping for breath as tears ran down her face as she spoke, her voice speeding up as she desperately tried to let out the words she needed to say to the woman she loved unconditionally, the women she hoped and prayed could forgive her and take her back, even after what she did and the barriers and borders that separated them and their lives after the war.
“Sonja… Jennifer… Sonja. You say that’s who you want to be, so that’s what I’ll call you,” Josephine replied softly, after a pause of a few seconds that felt like eternities. “I believe you. I believe you, because I know you, the real you, not this façade. Because I know you’d never have abandoned all those Council votes if you were thinking clearly. Because you lied to me, yes, but I was unfair to you, begging you to join the Council for me and then hating you for it. Because everything was perfect until one day it wasn’t, and because by letting that separate us forever we’re letting Suleman Chaher win from beyond the grave.”
“And because… because I love you too,” Josephine said, her voice breaking as she began crying too. “I haven’t been able to deny it. It would have been easier if I could, but I’ve spent every day wishing you were there, every difficulty wanting to speak to you. Marwick, Pavía, Yauhmi… everything was so much harder without you. And I saw you trying to do good even when it hurt you here, and you wouldn’t do that if it had all been a lie. If you had all been a lie. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and even if they didn’t, I’d still give you one because I want to be with you forever too.”
The two women looked at each other, both crying for several seconds, before they both crossed the distance to each other in a split second and kissed as if it was the end of the world and they had only this moment, and only the two of them, and nothing else mattered, or existed, or had ever mattered or existed. They embraced as if they were two parts of the same whole finally coming together again after a long and painful separation, and as if they would never, ever, be separated again.
It could not last. The next day, Alvarez would have to return to Lauchenoiria. Hale still could not leave Kerlile. Sonja, the person she wanted to be, would have to stay hidden a little longer, and the persona of Jennifer Hale, no matter how false, would have to stand up and address the world, and fight against Kerlile’s slip back into totalitarianism. Alvarez would have to hide her rekindled romance to retain the trust of the Lauchenoirian people, and they would both have to deal with the people and conspiracies trying to keep them apart. But for tonight, for this night, they did not have to be separate, they did not have to be apart, they were together as they should be and as they both knew they were destined to be. Tomorrow would stay away, just a little longer.
It was the evening after the fourth day of the 65th International Women’s Congress. Prime Minister Josephine Alvarez of Lauchenoiria was exhausted, stressed and deeply disappointed. The sources of all of these emotions were subtly different – she was exhausted by how long the debates had been, stressed by being in Kerlile, and disappointed that her still-lawfully-wedded-wife hadn’t bothered to come out and see her even while she was in the only country Jennifer Hale was permitted to be in.
If she was honest with herself, Alvarez’s main aim in coming to Kerlile, especially in light of the Robinson affair where “supporting reform” could no longer sound genuine, was in order to have a face-to-face conversation with the person she still couldn’t work out her emotions around. Distance had not made anything easier, and the last they’d seen of each other had been too close to the revelation for Josephine to be objective. She deeply wanted to know if, when she looked at Jennifer’s face, she still loved her.
But it seemed like the last three years had already given Hale enough time to move on. At least, that’s what it seemed like to Alvarez, who had tried getting in touch just to discover the line was disconnected, who had tried to find her only to be told that leaving the city limits would be “ill-advised” and “unsafe” by both her own country’s security and the local police (though whether the locals were warning, or threatening, was still yet to be determined by the agents looking into it).
“I don’t need you anyway,” Alvarez muttered in Spanish to herself, as she got herself ready for bed, and for the last day of the conference in the morning. She was so successful she was the head of government in her country! What did it matter if her wife had moved on, if she’d been lied to for years, if all her feelings that she knew were still in there would need to be buried and…
Tap, tap.
Josephine froze at the sound from the window. She was eight floors up, and Grapevale didn’t have many birds (rumour had it the locals ate them to supplement the food rationing) so a tapping noise at her window immediately activated her fight-or-flight response. She grabbed a letter opener off the table, as if it could protect her, and slowly turned around towards the window, brandishing it like a dagger.
Outside, standing on the balcony was a rather bedraggled looking Kerlian Councillor. Josephine dropped the letter opener and stared, open-mouthed at the sight of her wife standing there. Jennifer mouthed something and Josephine blinked, quickly opening the balcony door and pulling Jennifer inside.
“Sonja, what the hell!?” she said, using the old name before she thought.
“Josie…” Jennifer breathed, staring into her eyes.
“What the hell?” repeated Josephine.
“I… sorry,” Jennifer blushed, and looked away. “Listen, your security would never have let me near you if I’d tried to come in the normal way. So, I bribed hotel security to sneak me up to the balcony and distract them.”
“Son… Jennifer… Councillor Hale. If you had asked for an appointment, my security would have been pleased to facilitate that in a manner more befitting both our stations.”
“Josie, what are you talking about? You’ve rejected every appointment I tried to schedule all week! I tried to get into the conference to see you, but the Council doesn’t want us to meet any more than you do. Why did you even come to Kerlile if you were going to avoid me the whole time?”
“I never rejected any appointments! I’ve been waiting all week for you to show up! Your phone line is disconnected, I’m not allowed to leave this damned city unless it’s by airplane back home, and the whole damned reason I came here was to speak to you!”
Jennifer blinked once, twice, three times, and then sank down into a nearby chair in shock. “But I spoke directly to your head of security in Kerlile. She told me point blank that you would not meet with me and that I need to stop asking.”
“Who? Who did you speak to?” Josephine demanded.
“Alicia Alloza, with your security detail? The one who is liaising with your assistants to manage your diary, according to the Council’s files.”
“That’s correct, Alicia is… Alicia told you I didn’t want to see you!? I was not informed of any appointment requests and I specifically told them I wanted notified immediately if you got in touch. Why would she lie!?”
Jennifer stayed silent, and looked up at Josephine, a mix of shock, anger and love in her eyes, all at once. Josephine’s eyes grew wider in response, as she realised what was going on, and she sat down on the other chair immediately.
“My own people have been trying to stop me meeting you. Against my explicit orders.”
“If it makes it any better, mine have been doing the same. But at least I know why; they think you’re a corrupting influence, that you’ll at best encourage me to push for greater reforms, and at worst recruit me for Lauchenoiria’s intelligence agencies.”
“Alicia is going to be fired immediately,” Josephine said coldly, “and if she has any links to Gabriel Fleming she is going to spend the rest of her life in prison.”
“Forget about that for one minute,” Jennifer said, then looked Josephine directly in the eyes. “Put aside this conspiracy, because we do not have a lot of time, especially if both our countries want to keep us apart. You said you came here for me. Is it true?”
Josephine looked at her wife, at the look of longing, of hope, of sheer love and she crumbled. All the words she meant to say, all the accusations, just disappeared. After all, she’d done her research. She knew what Jennifer would tell her: Kerlian policy would be to find and execute the families of anyone deemed connected with DKS. “Sonja Viratnen” was indeed connected with DKS. If Josephine had known, she would have been in danger. It didn’t make up for it; the lie that was so big… but she understood it.
“Is it the only lie you told me?” Josephine blurted out. She had to know. “Was there anything else? Or was your secret identity all of it?”
“Josie, I… listen. Yes, I lied. And I am so, so sorry. I regret it every day of my life. But, if it’s worth anything, I never intended to be Jennifer Hale again. I fully intended to be Sonja Viratnen-Alvarez for the rest of my days, to never look back. This is not to say I wished to lie to you, but that Sonja is who I wanted to be, is the real me in every way that matters. Jennifer Hale is a persona, a symbol of a messed-up family at first, and now of a reform movement that’s failing before it made any real headway. Jennifer Hale is not real. Sonja was. Sonja is. Jennifer is what I had forced upon me, but Sonja is who I chose to be. And I chose to be with you. I love you, Josephine, more than you can ever know and more than I ever thought was possible.”
Jennifer took a quick breath before continuing, not allowing herself to be interrupted. “I ran away when I was thirteen because I knew I’d never survive here. I hated it, I hated my family and I hated my life. I gave up everything, I renounced everything and I swore I’d never go back willingly. I would not be here, in Kerlile, if I had a choice and I pray that you believe me. I made a choice to reject my birth family and my duties because they were cruel, and horrific, and I hated everything they stood for. When we met, I was who I said I was because that was my choice and I never intended to look back.”
“It is the one lie that I told you. Everything else is true. That I love you, that I love the way you smile and your ambition and the fact that in spite of all that, you always found time to relax even when things were chaotic. That I did not want to go into politics myself and preferred to avoid the spotlight because I never, ever, wanted to be where I am forced to be now and I renounced that life, but I loved you for being brave enough to do it and to do it well. That when Chaher overthrew Moore and imprisoned you it was the worst day of my life, even including all the things I’ve seen and all the ways I was mistreated as a child. Because you are my world, Josephine, and when you said you hated me it broke my heart into a million pieces and I did not want to go on living.”
“I love you so deeply, I am so sorry for lying, I did it to protect you but that’s not an excuse. I let my own fear of Kerlile consume me and hid something you deserved to know from you because I myself did not want to face up to it. But you are stronger and braver than I could ever be, you are the light of my life and the centre of my world and I should never have hidden anything from you because I love you, and want to be with you, and share everything with you for the rest of my days. And I am devastated that I cannot because of this.”
Jennifer finally stopped, gasping for breath as tears ran down her face as she spoke, her voice speeding up as she desperately tried to let out the words she needed to say to the woman she loved unconditionally, the women she hoped and prayed could forgive her and take her back, even after what she did and the barriers and borders that separated them and their lives after the war.
“Sonja… Jennifer… Sonja. You say that’s who you want to be, so that’s what I’ll call you,” Josephine replied softly, after a pause of a few seconds that felt like eternities. “I believe you. I believe you, because I know you, the real you, not this façade. Because I know you’d never have abandoned all those Council votes if you were thinking clearly. Because you lied to me, yes, but I was unfair to you, begging you to join the Council for me and then hating you for it. Because everything was perfect until one day it wasn’t, and because by letting that separate us forever we’re letting Suleman Chaher win from beyond the grave.”
“And because… because I love you too,” Josephine said, her voice breaking as she began crying too. “I haven’t been able to deny it. It would have been easier if I could, but I’ve spent every day wishing you were there, every difficulty wanting to speak to you. Marwick, Pavía, Yauhmi… everything was so much harder without you. And I saw you trying to do good even when it hurt you here, and you wouldn’t do that if it had all been a lie. If you had all been a lie. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and even if they didn’t, I’d still give you one because I want to be with you forever too.”
The two women looked at each other, both crying for several seconds, before they both crossed the distance to each other in a split second and kissed as if it was the end of the world and they had only this moment, and only the two of them, and nothing else mattered, or existed, or had ever mattered or existed. They embraced as if they were two parts of the same whole finally coming together again after a long and painful separation, and as if they would never, ever, be separated again.
It could not last. The next day, Alvarez would have to return to Lauchenoiria. Hale still could not leave Kerlile. Sonja, the person she wanted to be, would have to stay hidden a little longer, and the persona of Jennifer Hale, no matter how false, would have to stand up and address the world, and fight against Kerlile’s slip back into totalitarianism. Alvarez would have to hide her rekindled romance to retain the trust of the Lauchenoirian people, and they would both have to deal with the people and conspiracies trying to keep them apart. But for tonight, for this night, they did not have to be separate, they did not have to be apart, they were together as they should be and as they both knew they were destined to be. Tomorrow would stay away, just a little longer.
LIDUN President 2024 | she/her | Puppets: Kerlile, Glanainn, Yesteria, Zongongia, Zargothrax