[Gardavasque]

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Live from GRIP News Studios in Eternity, I’m Dee Pendable-Mosely with this news update for September 28, 2019.

Gardavascan Defense Forces Take Park in N-Day
Gardavascan Defense Forces have completed intensive military training exercises in simulated global thermonuclear warfare drills that placed the entire military on the highest state of alert for twenty-four hours yesterday. The drills, which included coordinated evacuations of civilians and military personnel from city-centers, airports, and military installations around the country, were part of an annual worldwide effort known as “N-Day.” Military correspondent Scarlett Leinandior filed this report from a fortified bunker at the Presidential Retreat at Esalen:

Cue: Scarlett Leinandior: “For the second year in a row, the International Democratic Union joined with Forest and other regions in a faction known as ‘Canopy’ whose primary objective was to prevent nuclear strikes from reaching their targets, leaving all nations in the faction free from radiation. This year the Canopy faction was the third largest in terms of number of nations participating with 1,774 and finished second overall in terms of score, stockpiled warheads, and available shield weapons. The most import thing to keep in mind, though, was that the primary objective was achieved, keeping all nations free from nuclear strikes and radiation. These N-Day exercises help keep us ready in the event of the ultimate failure of diplomacy, but they are perhaps the best reminder of a responsibility we all share across the world – the responsibility to learn to love again for the good of the planets.”

Scarlett Leinandior, GRIP Military Correspondent, reporting from an N-Day briefing from a fortified bunker at the Presidential Retreat at Esalen.


Impeachment Proceedings Underway in Gardavascan Parliament
The Speaker of the Gardavascan Parliament, Marcy Bellows of Misericordia Province, announced today that she would direct the Judiciary Committee to formally open an Impeachment Proceeding against President Biff Snollygoster on charges of abuse of power, mismanagement of foreign aid, illegal profiteering, and moral turpitude. Bellows, of the Gardavasque Democratic Party, has been resisting the move for several months despite intensifying pressure from her party’s progressive wing. Since the surfacing of whistleblower complaint in July and evidence of the Administration’s brazen attempts of thwart Congressional oversight were reported in the Eternity Times, however, she announced she had to follow the evidence wherever it led. In response, President Snollygoster told reporters at conservative news outlet NewsHound, Inc. he had be “treated very unfairly” by the people who wrote the Gardavasque Constitution and said “Literally everything I do is magically a violation of the so-called Constitution. And that’s very unfair and bad treatment, believe me.” President Snollygoster went on to hint darkly he would put writers of the Constitution “on notice” unless they changed their ways. The Constitution of Gardavasque was ratified into law in the year 1800 and is considered to be the Supreme Law of the Land; the original document remains on permanent display at the National Archives Museum everyday from 10am to 5pm.

Permanent Marriage Repealed
The National ban on divorce has been repealed as part of new tax legislation agreed to in a last–minute compromise that was quietly signed into law last week and only publicly announced overnight early Sunday morning. The measure had cleared Parliament last February with broad support from Gardavasque Democratic Party, Farm and Labor Party, and ECO Party, but it had been held up in the Senate using procedural hurdles by a small but vocal minority of National Orthodox and Coalition of Conservative Capitalists who had argued that maintaining the country’s Permanent Marriage policy was essential in preserving traditional family values and strong economy. Prominent Marriage Therapist and Radio Host Perel Hester sparked a national movement when she urged her listeners to take to the streets and walk off their jobs in support of a repeal of the unpopular ban on divorce.

Cue: Hester Perel: “Before the Ban, we had a fifty percent divorce rate for first marriages and a sixty-five percent divorce rate for second rate for second marriages. Now we have a zero percent divorce rate, but my clients are not any happier. They are not having any more sex, or any better sex. In fact, things are worse than ever for the state of affairs. If we expect couples to make their marriages work for them, they have to be given the freedom to say yes to one another. To say yes to love. And without that, there is no hope.”

Marriage Therapist, Perel Hester.

In the end, the repeal measure was allowed to be added to a controversial tax reform bill that drastically reduced corporate, inheritance, and luxury tax rates and eliminated tax incentives for those who donate to charity. Democrats vowed to begin working on a new tax reform bill before the end of the year.

This is listener-supported Gardavasque Radio and Information for the People; GRIP News. Live from Eternity, I’m Dee Pendable-Mosely.
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