[Lauchenoiria]

Lauchenoirian Guardian

Communist Party plummets in polls following shock revelations about leader Javier Flynn
15th June 2019

On the eve of the election, the Communist Party has plummeted to fourth place, a shocking turn of events for what was until this decade the largest party in Lauchenoiria. This shock change in fortunes for the party comes after leaked emails show that leader Javier Flynn had an affair with former Prime Minister Charissa Clarke – now known to be a Kerlian sleeper agent.

The emails, which show exchanges of a romantic nature between Flynn and Clarke, were leaked by right-wing activist group Men Against Kerlian Influence (MAKI), an anti-feminist group who claim Kerlile is behind modern feminism, and blame the matriarchal country for destroying traditional values. A spokesman for MAKI said: “these emails are proof that Flynn may have been influenced by Kerlile, and cannot be trusted”.

The exchanges between Clarke and Flynn took place between November 2017 and February 2018, shortly before the events which caused last year’s civil war. The leaked emails include romantic letters, and arrangements to meet – referring to keeping the affair secret from Flynn’s wife, Jocelyn. Flynn has declined to comment on the allegations. The police are investigating the leak.

These revelations coming to light on the eve of the election is unfortunate for the Communists, which many people claim was done on purpose by MAKI, a group which is vehemently opposed to left-wing policies. It has also proved damaging for the Feminist Party, who have dropped two points in the polls and now are unlikely to win any seats. The Feminist Party has long been considered a Kerlian front, though no proof has ever been found.

Far-right Lauchenoiria First leader Paul Doberman said of the revelations: “Kerlian influence in Lauchenoiria is far too widespread. Far too many high-profile politicians in this country are in bed with the Kerlians – though normally only metaphorically. Anima Sampson and Katherine Wright [Feminist Party presidential candidate and party leader respectively] are both bankrolled by the matriarchy’s corrupt Council. For all we know, Cassidy Laurens [SDP leader] is a Kerlian, just like Clarke! We must stop allowing Kerlians into Lauchenoiria!”

The Social Democratic Party (SDP) is still set to lose all their seats after leader Cassidy Laurens was caught on microphone making pro-Kerlile comments last week. The Feminist Party was originally set to gain seats; however, their support has gradually drained away. With the expected fall of the Communists on the horizon, it is clear that any connection to Kerlile spells political death for any politician and any party.

Parliamentary voting intention, 15/06/19 (change from previous poll on 13/06/19 shown)
Liberal Party: 25.9% (+0.7)
Conservative Party: 17.1% (+1.4)
Green Party: 16.3% (+0.6)
Communist Party: 12.2% (-3.9)
Left Alliance: 10.1% (+1.3)
Lauchenoiria First: 6.7% (+0.5)
Lauchenoirian Democratic Alliance: 5.3% (+0.1)
Pacifist Party: 4.0% (+0.4)
Anarchist Party of Yervia: 0.9% (-)
Feminist Party: 0.8% (-1.0)
Social Democratic Party: 0.5% (-0.1)
Aelurian Independence Party (AIP): 0.1% (-)