09-17-2016, 02:53 PM
RansiumSep 1 2016, 07:02:50 PMHow about this:
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Title: Trade of Endangered Organism
Category: Environmental
Industry Effected: All Business
The World Assembly,
Recognizing its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,
Noting the tangible benefits of endangered species preservation, such as the development of medicines, industrial materials, and providing ecosystem services, the loss of which has the potential to cause extreme harm to member nations populations,
Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,
Defines 'endangered organism' as a species or stock designated by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC) as endangered,
Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,
1. Bans the international import and export of all endangered organisms, and of goods derived wholly or partly from said organisms, except when any of the following exemptions apply:
i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of a scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) They are widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials;
2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of endangered species and derived products within their own borders;
3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in endangered species, and of products derived from these.
Co-authored by Bears Armed
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What do you think ready for the WA forum?
[/quote]Okay, here -- albeit, owing to RL, slightly later than originally forecast -- are my comments on the latest draft...
1. the title: You're currently a couple of characters inside the maximum allowed length, so maybe you might pluralise "Organism" to "Organisms" which seems more appropriate?
2. Category: I suppose there isn't really a single-industry option that fits properly, but 'All Businesses' is technically equivalent to 'Strong' in terms of stat effects which seems a bit much in this context. Despite the fact that 'Environmental' proposals tend to be easier to pass than 'Moral Decency' ones I think that you really might be better off going for 'Moral Decency'/'Mild' instead (and that at least some of the 'stat-wankers' among the players might find that option more acceptable...). However if you agree about this then maybe adding a preambulatory clause to explain why restricting this trade is the moral course of action might be a good idea...
3. Unfortunately your current use of WAESC falls back into 'House of Cards' illegality, because although you use its classification of species in your definition of "endangered" you don't actually give WAESC itself anything to do here and so if the other resolutions that mention this agency were ever repealed then the agency would vanish and consequently your definition would fall apart...
Also, so far WAESC only [officially] keeps track of endangeredness for entire species rather than for each of the more local stocks within those species -- although the latter information obviously (and in your current wording) would be required here.
Therefore I suggest dropping the "Defines" clause and adding a new [numbered] clause before the current '1' which says something along the lines of "1. Instructs WAESC (the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee) and WA member nations' governments to cooperate with each other in creating & maintaining up-to-date lists of species, and of local populations within species, that qualify as 'Endangered';" and then referring back to that clause when you need to explain which species & stocks the following operative clauses are talking about.
4. regarding the current clause '1', you need to change something along the lines of "into or from member nations" into your reference to "the international import and export", to avoid legality challenges that claim you're trying to give orders to all nations rather than just to the WA's actual members.
5. regarding the current clause '2', it's also safer (in terms of legality) to say "member nations" rather than just "nations"... and shouldn't that 'Urges' exclude cases where international transfer of those organisms/goods would be okay under the current clause '1'?
6. Regarding the current clause '3', again "member nations" rather than "nations"... and I think that you'd really better insert the words ", within their jurisdictions" between the existing "and of products derived from these" and the final full stop, because otherwise you're arguably requiring member nations to intervene internationally against those practices too and you'd get a lot of opposition on the grounds of sovereignty (and avoiding justification for RP invasions) because of that fact.
7. There are some other places where wording or grammar might be improved slightly, as well, but I'll leave those for the GA forum to point out...
Best wishes!
:Bear:
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Title: Trade of Endangered Organism
Category: Environmental
Industry Effected: All Business
The World Assembly,
Recognizing its members' continued commitment to the preservation of endangered organisms,
Noting the tangible benefits of endangered species preservation, such as the development of medicines, industrial materials, and providing ecosystem services, the loss of which has the potential to cause extreme harm to member nations populations,
Concerned that illegal collection and smuggling of endangered organisms could undermine preservation efforts,
Defines 'endangered organism' as a species or stock designated by the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee (WAESC) as endangered,
Hereby, subject to any limitations set by earlier resolutions that are still in force, including the fact that trade involving certain groups of organisms may already be covered separately by such legislation,
1. Bans the international import and export of all endangered organisms, and of goods derived wholly or partly from said organisms, except when any of the following exemptions apply:
i) They are specimens collected or being repatriated as part of a scientifically run species restoration program;
ii) They are specimens grown in a laboratory or nursery environment outside of their species' native range, and birthed or grown from seeds, spores, or other material, that itself was collected outside the species' native range;
iii) They are goods derived from organisms that fall under exemption 'ii';
iv) They are goods that were derived from specimens in a manner which does not increase the species' endangerment and were collect purely for scientific purposes;
v) They are durable goods such as lumber, which can be historically or scientifically proven to have been processed before the species was declared endangered by WAESC and at least 99 years ago;
vi) They are widely dispersed reproductive material such as pollen or reproductive spores which is present at incidental levels on other trade materials;
2. Urges nations to pass legislation preventing the internal transport and monetization of endangered species and derived products within their own borders;
3. Requests nations ardently enforce measures designed stop illegal collection and trade in endangered species, and of products derived from these.
Co-authored by Bears Armed
-------------------------------------------------
What do you think ready for the WA forum?
[/quote]Okay, here -- albeit, owing to RL, slightly later than originally forecast -- are my comments on the latest draft...
1. the title: You're currently a couple of characters inside the maximum allowed length, so maybe you might pluralise "Organism" to "Organisms" which seems more appropriate?
2. Category: I suppose there isn't really a single-industry option that fits properly, but 'All Businesses' is technically equivalent to 'Strong' in terms of stat effects which seems a bit much in this context. Despite the fact that 'Environmental' proposals tend to be easier to pass than 'Moral Decency' ones I think that you really might be better off going for 'Moral Decency'/'Mild' instead (and that at least some of the 'stat-wankers' among the players might find that option more acceptable...). However if you agree about this then maybe adding a preambulatory clause to explain why restricting this trade is the moral course of action might be a good idea...
3. Unfortunately your current use of WAESC falls back into 'House of Cards' illegality, because although you use its classification of species in your definition of "endangered" you don't actually give WAESC itself anything to do here and so if the other resolutions that mention this agency were ever repealed then the agency would vanish and consequently your definition would fall apart...
Also, so far WAESC only [officially] keeps track of endangeredness for entire species rather than for each of the more local stocks within those species -- although the latter information obviously (and in your current wording) would be required here.
Therefore I suggest dropping the "Defines" clause and adding a new [numbered] clause before the current '1' which says something along the lines of "1. Instructs WAESC (the World Assembly Endangered Species Committee) and WA member nations' governments to cooperate with each other in creating & maintaining up-to-date lists of species, and of local populations within species, that qualify as 'Endangered';" and then referring back to that clause when you need to explain which species & stocks the following operative clauses are talking about.
4. regarding the current clause '1', you need to change something along the lines of "into or from member nations" into your reference to "the international import and export", to avoid legality challenges that claim you're trying to give orders to all nations rather than just to the WA's actual members.
5. regarding the current clause '2', it's also safer (in terms of legality) to say "member nations" rather than just "nations"... and shouldn't that 'Urges' exclude cases where international transfer of those organisms/goods would be okay under the current clause '1'?
6. Regarding the current clause '3', again "member nations" rather than "nations"... and I think that you'd really better insert the words ", within their jurisdictions" between the existing "and of products derived from these" and the final full stop, because otherwise you're arguably requiring member nations to intervene internationally against those practices too and you'd get a lot of opposition on the grounds of sovereignty (and avoiding justification for RP invasions) because of that fact.
7. There are some other places where wording or grammar might be improved slightly, as well, but I'll leave those for the GA forum to point out...
Best wishes!
:Bear: