04-04-2008, 12:12 AM
You need to change a few wording things before you re-submit this:
Quote: 1. The right to speak freely, as long as such speech could genuinely endanger public security.[/quote]
I'd say "does not" instead of "could". You've accidentally said you're only guaranteeing the right to endanger public safety.
Quote: 4. No person shall be forced or go into slavery.[/quote]
I'd say "No person shall work without pay." Or something like that. I think that covers it well, and eliminates the thing about force. But it needs to be changed somehow, I don't think the part in bold there is grammatically correct.
I'm slightly concerned that this may just be too much for one proposal, but if you can pass all of it at once, then that's great.
Quote: 1. The right to speak freely, as long as such speech could genuinely endanger public security.[/quote]
I'd say "does not" instead of "could". You've accidentally said you're only guaranteeing the right to endanger public safety.
Quote: 4. No person shall be forced or go into slavery.[/quote]
I'd say "No person shall work without pay." Or something like that. I think that covers it well, and eliminates the thing about force. But it needs to be changed somehow, I don't think the part in bold there is grammatically correct.
I'm slightly concerned that this may just be too much for one proposal, but if you can pass all of it at once, then that's great.