[DeBeeland]

DeBeeland Political Rift Allegedly Swept Under Rug of Independence and Holiday Celebrations

After more than twenty-six years of tranquil prosperity as a private and autonomous economic and political region of the People’s Republic of DeSoto, sovereignty and controversy arrived in The Freeland of DeBeeland at approximately the same time, and there’s suspicion in the islands that it may not have been a natural coincidence. Many believe that the government knowingly delayed the passing of a highly disputed policy until a time at which they predicted it may receive a minimal amount of attention, and thus less intense backlash.

My name is Elenor Shan, and my application was approved by the Office of Immigration in November of 2014, when I came to the islands from DeSoto to work as an unbiased reporter. Beginning with the official initiation of independence on 22 December, 2019, I was assigned to cover long-term social and political trends on the islands, a job description which has taken on an entirely unexpected meaning since Christmas Eve.

On December 24th, 2019, shortly after 6:00pm, while the new country was still basking in the glow of a sovereignty declaration just two days earlier, in the midst of celebrating Chanukah, gathering with family for Christmas celebrations, and preparing for the upcoming Kwanzaa festivities, President Aaron DeBee signed his final approval on a DeBeeland law standardizing qualification testing for potential DeBeeland parents.

Under the law, unofficially dubbed the “Parent Merit Act”, every adult wishing to adopt a child or to contribute biologically to the birth of a child must first successfully officially qualify for parenthood via a series of standardized government tests. According to the law, any adult electing to contribute biologically to the birth of a child without first officially qualifying, immediately forfeits the right to vote in the future. Any child born under what are now officially termed “illegitimate circumstances” is forever denied the benefit of government-provided services including public schooling, protection of the law, government-provided emergency services, etc. It is worth noting that the phrase “illegitimate circumstances” apply only to a failure to qualify via standardized testing and is not defined by any other life circumstances.

The leader of the opposition to the law, Dr. Emil Young, argues that the law violates basic human rights. “I am a full and original supporter of the DeBeeist meritocratic ideology. However, a major tenet of that philosophy is a belief in individual rights. The right to bear children is among the most fundamental natural rights a human possesses. I believe - we believe - the government is drastically overstepping the bounds of their authority by attempting to dictate whether or not a human being may participate in a completely natural biological and physiological function.”

President DeBee responded in defense of the law, “The government will not interfere in the biological process itself. However, children of unqualified or uninvested parents too often become a detriment to society. The act of introducing a new person into society is a significant one, and it should be treated with serious consideration. The society we’ve agreed to establish is a meritocracy, and that means that most privileges are earned rather than bestowed by default. Our nation advances through prudent decision-making and aptitude, not through simple chance and negligent optimism. It would be nice if we could rely on all parents to parent responsibly and to positively contribute to the future success of their children; unfortunately, reality does not bear that out.”

The Parent Merit Act is widely acknowledged as the most divisive issue since DeBee’s 1991 Meritocratic Manifesto, which launched the movement that eventually separated the DeBeeists from the People’s Republic of DeSoto. Following the ratification of the bill this week, Dr. Young and his supporters announced the formation of DeBeeland’s first political party, who call themselves The Freedom Party. “We are the watchdogs who take it upon ourselves to ensure that the individual freedoms for which the meritocracy is supposed to stand are preserved.”

In response, President DeBee officially named his own supporters the Meritocratic Party and officially recognized the legitimacy of competing political parties in DeBeeland. “Individual freedom, meritocratic advancement, and democratic legislation are all important parts of our chosen government, and all deserve recognition and protection. It is through constructive debate and varying interpretation that we will arrive at the optimal version of our system.”

Despite the positive tone of his post-controversy message, though, may critics allege that DeBee purposely and strategically stalled the finalization of the Parent Merit Act in order to reduce backlash. His approval of the bill late in the evening in the midst of a number of religious celebrations and just days after official independence suggests to some that the DeBee administration believed that many of the bill’s opponents would have been too distracted to focus their oppositional efforts very intensely at that time. Still, Dr. Young insists that his new Freedom Party will gather support after the holidays and will pursue repeal of the Parent Merit Act.