[Sober Thought]

Title: Would You Like Hot Lead with That?

Description: The Daily @@TYPE@@ newspaper reports that another pizza delivery driver was assaulted and robbed on the job yesterday, the tenth such attack in recent weeks. Public sympathy is with the pizza drivers, mainly because lazy people don't want to have to pick up their own pizzas.

Validity: Valid for major industry Pizza Delivery

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@ -- chief extortion officer of The Pizza Delivery, Ice Cream Vendor and Roasted Chestnut Workers Union of @@NAME@@ -- wants you to give his comrades in arms real firearms. "We would welcome your support in this matter, and we assure you that the pizza, ice cream and chestnut community won't forget what you do at election time."
[effect] residents live in fear of armed delivery people
[stats]economy [not economic rights] declines, personal rights increase, political rights increase, Pizza Industry declines
[option]"That's ridiculous," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Pizza, Submarine and Burger Joints Association. "How could we continue to pay our employees as little as we do if they've got guns? How many customers would call if a gun-toting pizza guy was at the door? Instead you should make all deliveries payable by credit card or electronic payment only. Sure it might take a surcharge of say of 10%, but it is a small price to pay for safety and pizzas."
[effect] couch potatoes grumble about 'service' or 'handling' fees when they order out
[stats]economic freedom decreases, economy increases, Law&Order increases, Pizza Industry strengthens
[option]"I don't wanna to face neither no gun barrel or more fees," says a semi-articulate thirtysomething living in his parents' basement who uses the screen name "RelaxoMan. "Why don't the gummint like, subsidiary pizza? If I ain't got my double @@ANIMAL@@-topping pizza, the gummint is being just like them Nasties!"
[effect] waistlines expand and pay packets contract as the government pays for all fast food
[stats]general economy declines, Pizza Delivery increases, Health decreases
[option]Health Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ gives you the brightest smile you've ever seen. "I've been trying to get people off fast food for ages. Let's ban pizza delivery on public safety grounds, crack down on public health code violations and put 'quick service' restaurants out of business for good. Think of the money we'll save on health care! Sure people might not like it in the beginning, but no longterm gain without shortterm pain, right?"
[effect] fast walking has replaced fast food as the most popular pastime
[stats]Pizza Delivery disappears as Major Industry, economy as a whole remains stable, economic freedom declines, personal freedom declines, Health increases

[Eisophca]

I would generalize this and say for any industry. Or maybe just pizza and door-to-door insurance sales.

[Sober Thought]

I hadn't realised that d2d insce was an NS industry. Let's break into song:

Oh there's no one with endurance/
Like the man who sells insurance/

I actually have this recording, among scores of other musical and pre-1950 novelty songs. "Shaving Cream" was original in 1947, though Dr. Demento's version certainly popularised it in the 1970s (bearing in mind "popularised" is a relative word, and among my fellow strange music hobbyists "SC" is practically too straight to count among the crooked songs).

I already submitted the issue, but they tend to go down the memory hole as it were; no rejection, no feedback, no expiry date, but it just disappears. Still, they're fun and quick to write and at least those like you drolling the dregs of the forum can have a little chuckle or groan. :666:

My original plan was to make at least one industry-specific issue for orphaned industries, just as GG was doing for his beloved cheese.